Maybe I Just Need To Vent
J’s mom found the card I made her for Valentine’s day asking her to be my girlfriend. She told J she found it and also found it strange that when I slept over we slept in the same bed. J denied anything and told her I had a crush on her. That part hurt. I know she has to lie in order to keep things good with her mom, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me, ya know? I love her. And to hear that all it is is me having a crush on her and nothing more I kind’ve felt thrown under the bus. I just want J to reassure me. I already feel like I’m being torn down.
I remember being 15,16, and 17. Those were the days when I was with Jenna. I had to hide my feelings for her because of my mother. Granted, I was too young to “make my own decisions” but once I turned 18, I knew she couldn’t do a single thing about it. the day after my 18th birthday I came out to my mother. She was not happy about it, but time did heal her. My relationship with my mother is a zillion times better now than it ever has been before and I simply think it is because I feel like myself when I am with her now. There is no secrets and the air is clear now. I know J feels like she has to hide it from her mom, and there is really nothing I can say or do to change her mind. And I would never want to be the reason her relationship with her mom goes badly. I want nothing but happiness for J. I just know that I make her happy.
When we are together the world literally goes away for me. All my worries are gone when she is in my arms and I find it impossible to think of anything else when we are laying together. I feel like I could go on and on about everything running through my mind, but I have to work on some homework and go on with life like nothing is wrong. I just hope she doesn’t give up on us because if she did, we’d both be losing something special. each other.
