Never Let Me Go

I love her. But how long can I deal with this again? I want a normal relationship where I can go over my girlfriends house for family events. And I want a relationship where I can be “your girlfriend” even when with friends.I hate having to act like it’s nothing. I want to be able to hold hands in public. I dont want to have to think if its okay to kiss my girlfriend before I do it. Yes, I know how it is to have to hide being gay or whatever but it really sucks having to go through all this all over again. I said i never would before. I guess i thought i could handle it because i did it before. But to know she is never going to come out really really really sucks. And its not like im taking it personal. I dont feel not good enough to be told about or anything, but it still hurts, ya know?It’s not even like we get much alone time together. Maybe if we had more time together then i wouldnt care so much. We will go so long without seeing each other and then well hang out with our friends at the same time and i just feel weird. I just really want to be able to do the normal things in a relationship. But I love her….